(nearly) blind cooking

I blog about my husband’s on-going health issues and my feelings about that.  I blog about my Christmas prep (or, as 2013, my lack thereof).  I send a weekly newsletter to around 100 people with a summary of our weekly doings and potential plans for the upcoming week.

I have this blog just sitting here mostly gathering dust.  I have recently osted about goals for the new year, and an updated bucket list.  But otherwise I rarely post here, and I am asking myself why.  I spend way too much time alone (or with DH who has dementia – he sleeps most of the time, and it’s rare that we can carry on a “normal” conversation when he’s awake).  So .. why not just sit here and write?

Write what one might ask?  Well, anything I darn well feel like would be my answer! LOL!

Today was long, tiring, and stressful.  But for all that, I had one loving bright shining experience.  I got to hodl a new baby!!!  He’s only 1 day and a half old, and weighs less than 5 pounds.  Ohhhh so sweet!!!!!  I got very little of the rocking-the-baby experience with my grands.  My son has 2 kids, who are my only blood-related grands.  They were born on the west coast; and while we did see them occasionally as babies, we lived too far away for much of that experience.  The youngest was still a toddler when they moved east, but niehter of the kids were particularly “close” to us (we have grown closer as they get older, and I treasure every moment with them!).  The oldest grandson is my step-son’s step son, but has been “our” grandson since I think around 4.  The younger son is  DH’s blood-related grandson, and he was the only one we had much time with as a baby.  I do remember walking the floor a lot of nights with him (colicky).

My stepson now has a live-in girlfriend with 4 sons, who we have accepted as “bonus grands”.

All of that to say I’ve had very limited chances to rock babies.  The girlfriend’s sister just had twins.  I am looking forward to many more chances to hold one of those babies!

I have always had very poor vision, but wore corrective lenses most of my life.   About 6 yeaers ago I was diagnosed with glaucoma; and in the past year my vision has begun to fail.  A lot!

I’m old.  I do not change easily! LOL!  So learning how to cope with ever fading vision is a major life challenge.  Therefore, when I come across something that works .. and would work just as well for someone with perfect vision .. I feel compelled to share my success!

I heard a recipe on a TV cooking show.  It sounded good, so I thought I could manage it; and put my own spin on it as well.

Start with chicken pieces.  I used wings and thighs, because that’s what we like.  You can use what ever parts you prefer.

I lined baking pans with foil and sprayed with cooking spray.

I set up 3 bowls.  In the first I put flour.  In the second I mixed a few spoonfuls of mayonnaise (didn’t make enough at first) with a slightly less amount of sour cream.  I added salt and pepper (just shook a bunch in, no measuring) and stirred it together.  In thethird bowl I crushed up cheddar potato chips.  Next time I make this, I will use twice as many chips (2 large bags), and I will crush by putting in a baggie and using a rolling pin (I just squashed with my hands .. down side of that is they stick to my hands!).

Roll each piece of chicken in flour, then in the mayo, then in the chips. It’s very messy!

Bake in an oven set at around 350.  I have to guess at that part, but it was hot anyway.  I left it in the oven for an hour, and it was falling off the bone (well, except the boneless pieces!) done.  Larger ieces could take longer I think, but not much.

The chicken came out yummy, nice and crunchy on the outside and very well done but still moist on the inside.

The original recipe had some sort of hot spices in the mayo mixture, but we don’t care for hot.  It also used plain chips.  I thought the cheddar flavor sounded good.  I was right.

This was messy and slow.  I kept “losing” pieces of chicken once they were coated in flour.  I probably won’t make it often; but I think it will be a good go-to recipe for company!

Updated Bucket List

A few days ago I posted about goals for 2014.  A “bucket list” is not the same, as it is more “open ended”.  Between my husband’s failing health and my (more rapidly) failing vision, setting any kind of timeline is not practical or wise.  I find I have to revise my list of things I’d like to do in my lifetime.  Not only does my situation change, but my feelings change.  My original list had a lot of quilts on it.  The truth is, what quilting I do is not really that good, and it takes me a very long time.  I rarely can or will sit for hours at a time at the sewing machine.  It’s time to admit – to myself – that I’m highly unlikely to get even a fraction of the sewing done I would have liked.  I would still love to play with pattern and design .. but I don’t have any serious hopes of finding someone who woul want to sew up quilt tos according to my imagination; and I have even less hope of finding someone to do the actual quilting affordably.

What I do find is that “rides” become more and more important.  Even with limited vision (and even if I eventually lose it altogether) riding is still fun.

I’m not a particularly “brave” person, but there are some rides I’d love to try.  I hate riding on a busy road with someone who’s got a lead foot on the gas pedal .. but riding really fast in a boat is great!

I want to ride an elephant.  I don’t know why, but I do.  I like elephants.  I’d also like to ride in a hot air balloon.  I’ve been “up” in one – way up over tree tops – but it was tethered.  Apparently I just like being “high”.  Must be the cat in me! LOL!

I used to like traveling by airplane.  I don’t know if I would enjoy that as much now, since I couldn’t see the view.

I also would like some more “mundane” rides.  I would love to take a long ride in a fancy stretch limo.  Ideally, around Christmas to see lights (and drink champagne, of course).  If that doesn’t happen before my vision gets a lot worse, it might have to come off the list.  But I’d still like to ride in the limo, just to see what luxury feels like.

I’d like to travel, even though I do know that’s not likely to happen either.  But I leave trips on the bucket list because – well, because if if I don’t think they will happen, it doesn’t mean I don’t still want them!  I’d especially like to take a cruise.  I’m greedy – if I ever get one, I hope it’s at least a week and not one of those skimpy 3 or 4 day ones.  But I’d take whatever I got the chance at!  I’d even (make that *also*!) love to take a dinner cruise at the coast.

I’d also love to take a long train trip. Despite several accidents involving trains in the news recently, I believe train travel is safe.  It’s just a nice way to travel.  I guess sight-seeing is not so much a part .. although I won’t rule out places with more spectacular sights I could still see somewhat (Grand Canyon?  Niagra Falls?).

I used to want to travel overseas, particularly the British Isles.  I don’t think I’m brave enough to want that any more.  But it would be fun to someday tell my great-grandchildren “I’ve been to see the queen” or “I’ve been in Paris in the spring”.

I’m now in my “upper” 60s.  I figure, based on my health and family history, I have a good 20 to 30 years left.  It would be nice to think I could “make a difference”.  But I’m not good at anything. I have no talent, I’m not “outgoing”, and I can’t drive.   I don’t think there’s much call for setting a pretty table! LOL!   I keep being told how well blind people function .. but that’s not the point at all.  I can find ways to “make do”.  I just don’t know any way to make my life have any point.

Short term bucket list item:  a rest.  Just a few days without any responsibilities.  

2014 Goals, sort of

I had it in mind to update my “bucket list” for the new year.  Then I thought I might copy my niece and write about 14 accomplishments to be achieved in 2014.  Only, I couldn’t think of 14.  I couldn’t even think of 4.

The thing is, my life is currently unpredictable from one day to the next.  I can’t even count on a regular morning routine any more.  But, I do need some sort of goals .  Without some sort of goals .. some hoe of bettering myself, my life, in some way … I become purposeless and useless.  That is not acceptable.

For 2014, I hope to be more patient.  A LOT more patient.  I hope to find new ways of accomplishing the day to day things that need to be done in lieu of a “routine”.  I need to grit my teeth and purge more and more of the “stuff” here, especially paper and paper related. Unless it’s insurance, annuity, or tax related – I don’t need it any more.

I got rid of at least a dozen ring binders.  I kept 4 or 5, several big fat ones, that I have meticulously assembled over the years (predominately Christmas related).  It just breaks my heart that after all that work, I can no longer see well enough to use them .. and no one else is interested. 

Perhaps I’ll keep them a bit longer, in hopes that there’ll be someone to help me use them again.

Another goal for 2014 is to be more self reliant.  I’ve been disappointed quite a few times this past year.  People say they are going to do something .. but then not only never do, they don’t even so much as acknowledge that they ever said they would.  So, instead of counting on people, I have to learn new ways of doing things so that I don’t need help.  The hardest part of that is taking care of DH.  I’m tired all the time, and tired makes me so much less patient than I need to be.

I don’t want to commit myself to anything more specific than this.  I really do not know from one day to the next what will happen.    As of tonight, I feel like  DH will continue on this same path for years .. slowly declining (but with his mind sadly failing faster than the rest of him).  His doctor put him on hospice; but I’m fairly sure they did that in order for us to get some degree of help (oxygen, hospital bed, wheelchair – all paid for by hospice, as well as other supplies).    I do not think his doctor literally saw him as being terminal within 6 months.  Or 12 months.  Who knows.  I do understand that the toxins from his kidney disease are slowly causing more problems for him that are, as yet, undetectable.

And enough of that gloomy subject!  The point is, although I *think* things will continue more or less as they are for many many months to come, I don’t know that for sure.  And even if the general theme continues, he is different from day to day.  That’s where I need to learn to be flexible, and come up with ways to get done the things I need to do.

I also need to work at determining what really is important and what isn’t.  Writing IS important, because I need the outlet for emotions and feelings.  Mostly I do that on my One Day blog.  I need to be sure to not go more than 2 days without updating.

One last point.  My goal is to be more “cheerful” in the newsletter, and less “whiny” in the blog.  Expressing my depression and frustration is one thing; but I need to stop complaining about the same stupid things over and over!  I’m amazed that no one has dropped the newsletter, even though I’ve had to cut way back on what is in it.  I actually miss being able to do the quotes and other stuff, but I just can’t see well enough.  Too bad I don’t have a research assistant! LOL!

I hope anyone who happens to read this has a wonderful New Year: healthy, safe, and prosperous!

Cats!I have been saying over the last year or two that I am "in traiin

I have been saying for the last few years that I am "in training" to be the "crazy cat lady".  There are few who would question the "crazy" part.  I was raised by a lady, but I can't say it "tok" all that much; but I do try.  Usually.  But cats ... ahhhhhh.  I do love cats.  Even when they infuriate me, which they often do.

When we lived at the beach, I was given an adorable "tiger" kitten.  He was very sweet, but like all cats he was curious.  So when an obnoxious houseguest left the door open, he went out.  Outdoor cat, no problem.  Outdoor cat when there's a pen with several large dogs ... major problem.  Suffice to say he did not survive the experience.
Later I was given another kitten.  She was pure white .. and purely mean.  I was the only one who was ever able to handle her, and even I had to be cautious.  Later I was given yet another kitten, a 3-legged refugee.  I thought the 2 would be comppany, but they never bonded.  Eventually the mean cat was allowed to be an outside cat, and she was actually much happier - and nicer - until she got into the cow pasture.
The 3-legged cat survived  several moves, and eventually succombed to natural causes.

About a year or so after the last cat died, a neighbor's cat had a litter.  I claimed one, the prettiest little female ever.  As it turned out, she was the only survivor of that litter (due to roaming evil dogs).  Her name is Maggie, and she is quite aware that she is a beautiful princess.  She's now about 3 1/2 years old.  

A friend had to move out of state and couldn't take her cat, so I said I would take him.  I thought he would be company for Maggie.  You'd think I'd have learned that doesn't work! LOL!  Anyway, he's a big yellow cat named Butter.  He's now a bit over 2 years, and they tolerate each other.  Mostly.  He does prefer to be outside, so most days I let him out in the morning.  He comes to the door at night when he's ready to come in!

Last summer a stray cat showed up in the yard.  She was very scrawney, but friendly.  So I started feeding her.  Butter was afraid of her, so he stayed inside for a few months.  One day I went out to feed the stray .. and to my very great surprise, kittens began to come out from under the porch!

Naturally I began feeding the kittens.  My thought was that I needed to get them "tamed" so I could catch them and take to a shelter.  Well, part of the problem with that is that I have no way to actually either catch them or get them to a shelter.  In any case, they are coming around, gradually, one at a time.

The little gray one was the first to accept me.  I tried picking him up once, and he tried to bite me.  Fortunately, his little baby teeth weren't strong enough.  Now, some months later, I can pick him up and ;et him.  He won't accept being held long at a time, but he doesn't bite or scratch; he purrs!
Several of the others (there are 5!) will now come rub around my feet and purr; and one is just starting to let me reach down and pet it.

Two days ago one of the little brats found a way to climb in a window.  I'm now really sure that's what he meant to do, but nevertheless he got in.  I didn't find him until much later; but then the big cats discovered him .. and he ended up in the attic!  Last night I finally had the big cats shut in the kitchen, so I took a small dish of food and some water upstairs, and shut the door.  This morning the kitten kept crying, so I gook a bowl of milk (watered down, that's what I give them outside) to him.  I sat on the stes in the doorway, and he came right up to the bowl .. and slurped down the milk so fast he choked himself!  The food and water was gone.  I went back and got a small dish of food, and put in down several steps.  Then I sat on the landing near the bottom of the steps.  It took a few minutes, but the kitten came on down.  When he got near me, he started "exploring".  He circled around me.  A time or two when he got close, I reached out and rubbed or scratched him.  He ducked away, but ot far; and he was purring the whole time.  He kept getting braver, letting me touch and rub him.  Finally when he was close and not darting away, I got hold of him by the back of the neck.  I was then able to pick him up .. still purring .. and carry him to the door to go out.
And the little brat, as soon as his feet hit the porch, immediately stood up against the door crying again!!  Seems he liked being inside!  Oh, it is SO tempting.  But 3 cats?  And with Miss Maggie not likeing "intruders" into her kingdom?  Sigh.  I guess not.

I'm really OK with the outside cats.  After all, we live out in the country .. and have mice!  Maggie and Butter are turning into pretty good mousers.  I'd like to think the outside ones would be also.  But .. carzy or not, I don't really need or want more litters.  So I need to catch the females at the very least and have them spayed.
Hmmm.  First I need someone with good vision (which I do NOT have) to determine which are the females.  Then I need to borrow one or two large "live traps".  And then I'll need someone to actually take them to the vet, or shelter, whichever I need to do.

So.  I have the cat part well in hand.  The crazy part is not in question.  I guess I need to work harder on being a lady.  Well, sometimes anyway. :)

End of OctoberIf there's anyone out there actually fo

If there's anyone out there actually following this countdown journey with me, I apologize for my erratic postings.  There are things going on that are just beyond my control, and I'm working around them as best I can.
I am having to cut back on my ambitions for my Plan, but the end result - a clean and organized (mostly) house - is still the goal.  The worst room was the guest room, and I';m very pleased with what I accomlished in there.
I have exactly 5 weeks until Thanksgiving.  So, my semi-revised plan is to finish cleaning rooms by the weekend before, do a really good all over clean, and then pre.  As of now I might have anywhere from 15 to 22 here .. and as long as I can figure out where to seat them, the more the merrier!  (note: I will have my daughter in law, my stepson's girlfriend, and her mother all here to do the bulk of the cooking!)
I haven't been able to clean the porch as I hoped; but ALL of the cardboard that was piled up is gone, and the few "fragile" plants have been brought in.  That might be as good as it gets for outside.  I only have 4 areas I need to tackle, and 2 can be combined (and need very little unless I can find somewhere I'm comfortable with to donate more books).  So I hope I'll get at least some of the outside decorating done before the weather is too cold.  I'm sure it will have to be cut back this year, since I have much less help.
The last week before Thanksgiving I will start packing up bric-a0brac and photos so I'll have surfaces ready to decorate.  I'm leaving fall decorations up until Thanksgiving, but one more week and then Halloween gets packed away.

One thing I seem to have trouble with is focus.  I started out well; but I keep jumping from one room to another.  Right now I'm obsessed with changes I want to make in the den.  I have done part of what I wanted (because I had to move a big recliner so it wouldn't be absorbing the bulk of the heat from the wall heater as well as blocking heat from the rest of the room!).  I have a plan in mind for the rest; and I may just go ahead and start working on that today.  No one will be here today or tomorrow  so if that room is all in disarray it won't matter .. and if I get "stuck", the kids will be here Sunday and have no choice but help! LOL!

This has been a very bad week on several levels.  I'm going to try to get enough accomplished in the next few days to feel better about the few areas I can control!

COUNTDOWN PLANNING 101

HOW TO DESIGN YOUR OWN “CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN PLAN”

Over the years I have belonged off and on to many organizing groups and sites.  I was one of the original members to one group that is now BIG (and I’ve exceedingly happy for the lady who had a great idea and ran with it!).  And there are now many “professional” versions of this idea, many books published, etc.

They all tell you what to do.  Some have more detail than others.  They’re not all in the same order.  But the idea, of course, is to end up with a clean house and a calm holiday where everyone can enjoy themselves.

The problem I always have with all of these is (1) my list of rooms doesn’t match up with theirs.  Not a “big deal”, rooms can be substituted.  And (2)my time frame and other considerations interfere.  So I’ve had to use their basic ideas to make my own plan. 

I’m not going to tell you what my plan is.  I’m going to try to tell you HOW I made my plan.

The first step is to determine your starting point.  Are you starting in August?  October?  It’s up to you how much time you want to allow and how much detail you want to accomplish.  Here’s an example: I have multiple birthdays to deal with in October and November.  So trying to shop for Christmas gifts just doesn’t work for me.  I have money set aside in savings.  Also, I enjoy having a “wrapping day” rather than wrap gifts as they’re bought.  It’s up to you to decide your personal preference before you can incorporate it into your plan.

Another thing you will need to consider isif you are making gifts.  A lot of people don’t need a “how to” plan, they work on them all year.  But if you need more structure, then you will want to add time for working on your gifts.

Once you have your starting point, and have taken into consideration whether or not to shop early, and whether o not gift-making is to be part of your plan, the next step is to decide what areas you want to tackle, and how much detail cleaning/organizing you feel the need for.  Keep in mind – this is your personal plan.  You don’t have to go by what anyone else ways you *should* do, only what makes you happy!

I recommend you make a list of all the areas you want to tackle.  Then determine how many weeks you have to reach your goal.  For example, if you plan to start in the beginning of Septemberand you want to be done by Thanksgiving, you will figure on roughly 10 to 12 weeks (depending on the calendar in any given year).  If there are more areas than there are weeks, decide which areas can be either combined or eliminated.  You’ll make yourself crazy – and set yourself up for failure – if you try to cram too much into too short a time frame.  (If that’s where you are now – let it go!  You can’t do it all.  Do what matters most, and start earlier next year!).

You now have a rough outline of your plan.  The next step is to figure out what needs to be done each week.  This has to be based completely on your life style, your location, your family.  For example: many plans start with the front porch, because that’s what visitors see first.  And that’s fine if that’s what works for you or is what’s important for you.  But what if you start your plan in August, and you live somewherr that August is extremely hot?  Do you perhaps want to wait for cooler weather?  Do you want to do the porch when it might be time to bring “delecate” container plants inside, and maybe decorate for fall?  It’s entirely up to you, this is just a general guide of things you might want to consider.

Also, how much detail do you want to go into?  Are you having a big family get together and want to make big or special improvements?  Or do you just want to make sure everything is neat and clean and any needed repairs get taken care of?  I suggest you make notes of any ideas you have about different aareas on the list of areas to work on.  You can later cull it down if your list is over ambitious.

In listing ideas you must also take into consideration the time frame you have and anything that could come up that eats into your time frame (birthdays?  Anniversaries?  Doctor appointments?).  Do you work outside the home full or part time?  Do you work at home?  Do you have set or flexible hours?  Do you have to consider school – homeschooling, or carpooling, extra curricular events, etc.  Try to put as many of those things as you can on your calendar first so you can plan around them.

OK, back to the subject of what to do and when to do it.  In my personal plan, I work on less “important” rooms first – in my case, rooms that are not often seen by visitors.  I also keep in mind the weather.  For example, as with considering the porch, will a given area be too hot or too cool to do cleaning or organizing?  I personally do not include attic or storage areas, but you can if you want them tackled.  (I clean the attic in January while the bulk of what lives there – Chrsitmas decorations – is not in the way).  This is your plan, do what you want done!  Just make sure you take into consideration the comfort level of where you plan to work.

A lot of the planning groups and sites give you check lists.  While it’s good to be able to check off what you’ve accomplished (especially if, like me, you need that visual cue to keep encouraged).  But I also find those lists very cumbersome in that they include many things that either aren’t important to me or aren’t relevant.   You can go to any of those sites (google Chaistmas organizing), or you can make your own lists based on what is important in your home.

I’ve given you a basic outline of how to make a plan to suit your home and life.  It’s up to you how much detail you want to put into it.  Some people may work better with every tiny thing written down (i.e. scrub light switch plates).  Others do fine with a list that just says “this week clean the bedroom”.  You choose if you want to sort closets and drawers, or if that’s not important to you right now.  The whole point is to be ready for Christmas, not put your house up for public inspection!  Guests will inevitably peeop into the medicine cabinet.  Do you care?  Does it stay neat anyway?  (I broke a closet door, so the entire bathroom closet has to stay neat since it’s always “open”.  On the other hand, if they snoop in drawers, they *might* deserve to find a mouse trap!)

There are a few other things I recommend you keep in mind.

(1)     Nothing will go as planned.  Accept that, go with it the best you can.

(2)    Try to schedule “catch up” time into your schedule to make those unavoidable interruptions less stressful.

(3)    Include celebrations in your plan.  Don’t be so wrapped up in getting the house clean that your forget to make (or order) a birthday cake.  Allow time for fun!

(4)    Don’t be afraid to ask for or accept help if you’re lucky enough to have any available!

(5)    Keep in mind that the ultimate goal is a stress free holiday season. You have to decide what’s important to you and your family, and let go of what bogs you down if it’s not important to you!

Into Darkness

I was born with very poor vision.  The fact that I could see "clearly" at something 3 inches from my face is probably all that kept me from being "legally blind".  From early in the first grade - only 5 years old - I had to wear "coke bottle" glasses.  
For a brief spell when I was in college I had contact lenses.  That was before the days of "soft lenses" or disposable ones; but oh! the freedome they gave me.  But when I went to work in an office the freedome ended .. my eyes could not tolerate the dry air and flourescent lighting.  So back to the thick lenses, but at least I could have them tinted to help with glare.
At some point, maybe 20 or so years ago (I really do not remember except that it was during the time we lived in Edenton) I had a "spontaneous detached retina" in my right eye.  I had surgery, but it left me with a mostly blind eye - only some peripheral vision.
Fast forward another 20 to 25 years, give or take a few.  I developed cataracts.   Apparently they had been developing for quite some time; but without eye care insurance, I was a long time between appointments.  When I got to the point I could no longer ignore my fading vision, I went to an eye doctor - who promptly sent me to a surgeon. 
I had some sort of minor tear in one eye that had to be repaired, resulting in 6 weeks of no computer, no reading, no bedning, no heavy lifting. Once I got past that, I had the cataracts removed - one eye in December, the other in January.
For a very brief wonderful time, I could SEE!  I still needed glasses for reading, which was extremely hard to adjust to.  When the cataracts were removed, the lenses in my eyes were replaced, an it reversed my vision from near-sighted to far-sighted.  Never again can I read by simply holding a book close to my face.
After recovering from the cataract surgery, I went to a regular eye doctor to get prescription reading glasses.  I actually could "make do" with dollar store readers, but needed something better in order to keep working.
That's when I was diagnosed with glaucoma.  At that time, it was not noticeably effecting my vision.  That was around 5 and a half years ago.  The doctor then told me he thought I'd be completely blind "within my lifetime" (based on me being in my early 60s then and with at least a 20 year or more life expectancy).   He did not tell me how fast my vision would fail without actually being "blind".
I now see a glaucoma specialist about 3 to 4 times a year, and have a bunch of different eye drops to control pressure.  But the fact is, my vision has deteriorated drastically.
I can no longer drive (and technically no longer have a valid license, although the one I have expires in December - as long as no one were to run it with DMV, because it was revoked at the end of September).  Sitting here at the computer is difficult and frustrating.  One of the effects is that everything "fades" .. so light blue print is impossible to read; also anything small is impossible.  Watching television now is just listening and seeing a blur of colors (if I really want to "see" something, I have to sit or stand within about a foot of the screen; it's still blurred, but discernable).
I walk through my house and see mostly shadowy areas with pools of light where lamps or windows are.  I know my house well enough to know where things are (and absolutely Haate for anyone to move my things around).  I'm learning what things are more difficult to do (have you every tried to put toothpaste on a toothbrush when you literally couldn't tell where or how much you were getting?  Trick: squeeze the toothpaste onto a finger, and then squish it onto the brush).
I can no longer take my husband's blood pressure or temperature; and God help me if the alarm on the cycler goes off, because I can't read the screen that says why.
The people in my life day to day don't really grasp my frustration.  The one friend has been helping me go through freezer and pantry, to get rid of things I know I'll never use or are out of date.  I think she vaguely "gets it".  And my daughter in law has helped me go through mail and such; but she lives 2 hours away and they don't have time to visit.  My husband isn't really able to comprehend what I can and can't see; but then, he has multiple health issues, including dementai.  I'm satisfied for him just to know who I am.
Even when people close to me begin to understand what I can and can't see, they still don't really grasp what it's like on a day to day basis.  I want to clean my house, but literally can't see if a given surface is clean or not.  I go through the motions and hope for the best.  
I can't sew any more.  I actually can put my face close enough, and with a finger guiding, I can run the machine.  What I can't do is get thread through the tiny hole in a clear bobbin so I can wind it; or rethread the machine.   And no one really has time to just sit there with me to do that.
My world is gradually getting darker, and there's nothing I can do about it.   I trip over things I can't see (like that legs to my husband's bedside commode - they spraddle out, and I've broken a toe on it before, and always afraid I will again)..
It's barely daylight now.  Time to stumble through another day in my faded, out-of-focus world.
There were so many things I thought I'd get to do when I retired.  Instead I'm 24/7 caretaker for my husband, and no longer able to enjoy most of the things I wanted to do.  I don't resent caring for him (but will admit to being very tired).  I just feel sad  And very alone.