Yet Another Bucket List

I've made .. and revised .. a bucket list serveral times over the years.  And every time, fate just laughs and deals me another blow.
At this point I'm tempted to reduce my list to "survive".  But I don't even really care if I do that.
I used to want a ride in a hot air balloon .. and then there was a spell of multiple serious accidents involving balloons.  Hmmm ... forget that.  I wanted to ride in a limosine ... and then found out how much they cost.
I'd still like to ride an elephant; but there don't seem to be any in this apartment complex (although some of the dogs are quite large).  And a train ride ... no fun alone and nowhere in particular to go.
I had a list of quilts I wanted to make .. but of course, didn't count on losing too much vision to do them by the time I actually had time.
So now ... I guess the only thing on my bucket list is to actually have some kind of social life of my own.  
And in my uncertain world, I guess that's good enough for now.

Silver and Gold

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship lately.  It’s said that the best way to have a friend is to be a friend.  It would appear I’m not very good at that.   But recently I’ve come to realize that at least 2 people I had thought of as friends aren’t really.  Also, a lot of people I thought of as friends are really only acquaintences.  There’s a vast difference between being “friends” and being “friendly”.

A long time ago I had this wonderful little book about “balcony people”.  I don’t know what happened to it .. and if I don’t come across it in the on-going process of purging and packing, then I hope it went to someone who will also appreciate it.  The basic message was that we all need at least one person “in the balcony” .. someone who cheers you on, believes in you, cares about you .. no matter what.   Life is too short (and for some of us, too stressful) to be brought down by negative people.

One person I had thought was a friend just stopped having anything to do with me .. about the time I ran out of money and the booze in the house ran dry.  I had tried to be there for her when she needed me .. but she certainly was nowhere to be found when I needed a friend.

Another friend, I have come to realize, rarely ever has anything positive to say.  She has always criticized me and my family, always has little comments.  I’ve always let it go, because that’s what friends do.  But when I realized that being with her did not give me any ositive feelings at all, I decided it’s time to shut that door.  It makes me sad; but I truly do need people in my life who are uplifting, not dragging me down.

Oddly enough, 2 of the best true friends are ladies I only see maybe once in 10 or 20 years.  And one of them doesn’t even write or anything.  But she was totally there for me when I most needed her.  And whether we’re in constant contact or not, I always *know* she’s there.

Another friend has been my BFF for 50 years.  We write frequently right now; but have at times gone yeaars without being in touch at all.  We always “find” each other again.  And she is the truest “balcony person” for me that I’ve ever known! 

I wonder sometimes how I can possibly deserve 2 such good friends .. I don’t do anything but whine and complain; and yet they listen patiently.

I am about to enter a new (and mostly unexected) phase of my life.  I’m looking forward to it, and terrified at the same time.  My true friends will still be friends.  The false friends will be left behind.  I know I will meet new people, make new acquaintences.  I wonder if any of them will turn into friends .. I hope so, but time will tell.

I’m remembering the little jingle we learned oh so many years ago in scouts …. “Make new friends, But keep the old.  One is silver and the other is gold”.

Cat Herding

The phrase “cat herding” is, as near as I can determine, a reference to trying to force uncooperative subjects to go where you want them to go.  For example .. trying to get 20 or so 5 year olds to behave in a quiet and orderly manner .. in a toy store!  Cats (like 5 year olds) have a mind of their own.  And they are sneaky, slippery, and very fast.  They can squeeze into the most amazingly small spaces.  They can even ignore things that terrify them .. like a vacuum cleaner .. if it’s in their best interest to stay hidden.

However, with help, and a good pan, and a good back-up plan, it is possible to outsmart a determined cat! 

A mama cat dropped a litter of kittens at my house .. and as soon as they were weaned, mama took off.  I had no problem with this.  I’m the crazy cat lady.  I love cats.  Even the mean or stubborn ones.

However, a litter of dogs also tried to take up residence in my yard.  I love dogs too, but did not want this batch of strays.  Because I can’t drive, there was no point trying to catch them; and eventually they got too big and wary.  They never were “friendly” (many people tried to coax them to come to them to be petted .. dogs having none of it!).  It finally got to the point that no matter where I tried to feed my cats, the dogs were stealing the cat food.  They even came up on the porch, only 2 feet away from my door.  So, in desperation, I started feeding the cats in the back hall.  It took awhile for them to figure out the plan … but now, when I open the door, they come running.  However, it took me awhile to perfect my system.  I close all the doors, so there’s only a very small hall area for the cats.  But my mistake was in trying to slip through the den door back into the rest of the house.  One day when doing that one of the cats darted through the ddoor with me .. and, of course, vanished.  I don’t remember how long ago that was .. over a week at least!  I have since learned to leave by the back door after letting the cats in, and walk around to the porch door (and remember to unlock it first! LOL!) to go back in the house.  That way the only door the cats can go in or out by is the outside door.

However .. I still had the issue of a sneaky cat in the house.  He stayed in hiding most of the time, and would venture out at night.  But every time he saw me (or even saw movement I think), he darted back into hiding.

Once, a week or so ago, I decided I just had to try (again) to get him out.  I had a door shut so he was confined to the kitchen and den area.  I started spraying Fabreeze (well, it was the first spray bottle I got hold of .. plus the room really needed it!!) under and behind the furniture.  I did, finally, flush him out.  He raced around a bit .. went into the kitchen, across the counters, but then back into the den.  At one point, finally, I was sure I saw him dart into the back hall, so I quickly closed that door.  Then I went around outside and opened the back door.  Multiple cats went in and out … but once I made sure there were no cats left in the hall before I closed the back door, I was sure the cat had gone out.

Late that evening, I dropped a plastic tray on the floor .. Butter likes to lick the bottom of those.  I glaned over the edge of the chair … and there was that cat licking away on the dish!!  He looked up, and I swear, he laughed at me!!!  Then of course he darted away.  He didn’t have to go more than 2 feet away in the dark for me to no be able to see him.  I’m pretty sure he knew that too.

So, we continued to co-exist for another week or so (just can’t remember exactly when different phases happened).

So, Sunday morning .. I heard a noise at the front door.  I got up to see (actually thought it was Maggie, but wondered what outside might have caught her interest).  It was “The Cat”.  As soon as he saw me, he darted into the first place he came to .. the front bedroom.  And, I closed the door!!!  Now, having been through this before I still couldn’t be really sure I had him trapped.  But a short time later Maggie was very interested in the door, and when I got closer I could hear the cat scratching at the door from inside.

From that point I just had to wait for help; but I had a good plan.

When my son and 2 grandchilden got here, we put the plan into action.  First, my grandson held the front door open from outside (out of sight.  Mostly.)  The my son and my granddaughter got on their knees in the hall entrance (no door there), ready to “scare” the cat in the other direction (towards the open door).  And then, I opened the bedroom door.  Well, the cat had other plans.  He did not dart out as expected.  And of course, I couldn’t find him .. even though I KNEW he was n there.  So finally my granddaughter came in the help flush out the cat.  That’s where the plan started to fall apart.  It took awhile, but once we found him he finally ran out of the room … and right past my son!!  OK, seriously, it was very funny that a person as large as he is couldn’t contain that small cat.  But then, a determined cat isn’t really “containable”.

So, back up plan goes into action.  All the other doors were closed (a very wise precaution on my part!).  That meant he couldn’t run straight into the kitchen, which is where he headed.  Then he apparently paniced.  I wasn’t close enough to really see what happened.  My son hollered at his son to hurry up and hold the door open (thankfully none of the other cats were hanging around trying to come in!).  The cat, when it couldn’t get in the kitchen, seemed to start racing around, bouncing off walls and furniture, knocking over a lamp .. and managed to jump towards the glass storm door.  He “spring-boarded” off it, and hit the porch running. 

And, with that, the saga ends.  The cat is no longer in the house.

A new story begins .. there are 2 tiny baby kittens on the porch.  I put an old laundry basket with an old towel there for them, and mama cat seems to be OK with that.  Ever since the babies were discovered, they’ve been being handled, cuddled and petted.  My plan is, as soon as they’re old enough, to keep them and catch the other cats to find homes for them. 

Of course, the cat who was so recently a house guest may have other ideas about this trapping business.  Clearly, cat plans do not necessarily mesh with my plans! 

So, we shall see how it goes.

Thoughts on Aging

I am old.  My hair is gray, my weight hassuccumbed to gravity, my vision is failing.  My teeth are crumbling, my joints ache my stomach has gotten picky.

I am not dead.  I still think, feel, care, remember.  I love my husband even though he now bares very little resemblance to the man I married.  I love my family whether we are close or get together or not.  I love my children even though they are grown and on their own andhave their own lives and issues that don’t extend to old people.  I love my grandchildren even though they give me very little thought unless they are physically here.  I hope that someday great-grandchildren will be a part of my life, although judging by the grandchildren it doesn’t seem likely.  I could conceivably even someday have great great grandchildren, though it seem unlikely.  I have a fairly good chance of living long enough; but seems the children are smart enough to be waiting later and later in life to have their own families.  I have some 4 generation pictures; one with 5 would be cool, but not likely to happen.

I still remember having fun.  Once I was young and stupid and pretty much carefree.  Once I went to concerts (very few, but some); once I went dancing.  Occasionally I went with friends drinking, but I’ve never been much of a drinker (I tend to either go to sleep, or get sick .. makes it pointless!).   I participated in little theater productions … once I was even on stage!  I went to Savannah for a weekend with a girlfriend, and would dearly love to do it again.  I went to Disneyworld when my children were young.

Once upon a summer I had a “job” with which I traveled to New York.  I didn’t get the opportunity for much sightseeing, but I can say I’ve been there.

There is so much more I want to do.  I don’t mean a “bucket list”.  Yes, I have one; but a lot of what’s on it are just wishful thinking that I don’t really think will ever happen.  But I would love to travel, and see interesting places while I still can see at all.  I’d also like to meet interesting people .. although I think they would not be very interested in meeting me, my life is pretty boring.

I like to laugh, although there’s not a lot in my life that makes me laugh these days.  I like romantic comedies.  I like suspense novels (James Patterson, David Baldicci).  I love cats.  I like pretty clothes even though I have nowhere to wear them.  I love earrings, especially sparkly dangly ones.  I love junk food and “fast food” at times.  I like to try new things, and it is frustrating not to be able to ee well enough to cook.  I used to love to dance (before my bones and feet got old).  I enjoy dancing and singing type competitions (TV shows).  I like nearly every kind of music except rap and jazz.  And bluegrass, that I’m not too fond of either.

I like big floppy friendly dogs.  I like the smell of line dried sheets.  I love Christmas trees.

I don’t feel like I’ve done anything of any particular significance; but my life is not over.  I’d like to make a difference.  But even if I never do … I still matter.

I’ve had people tell me they couldn’t (or wouldn’t) “do what I do”.  No one knows what they can or will do until the situation presents itself.  Every morning I wake up and wonder how I’m going to make it hrough the day.  Every night I go to sleep knowing God helped me get through one more day.  So I am stronger than I think I am.  Maybe stronger than I want to be, but I do what needs to be done.

Perhaps I will never get to do any of the things I want to do, accomplish anything of significance, or even enjoy the simple pleasures again.  But I still matter.

I am old.  I am not dead.  I matter.

Dream House

I have always drawn houses.   Not pictures of houses, but pictures of blueprints.  The first one I remember drawing was in about 5^th or 6^th grade.  It had 10 bathrooms!!  At the time, there were 6 of us in  a small one bedroom house!  In fact, it was really a 2 bedroom house with a den … my sister and I shared the den.  Our room had a picture window to the back yard!!  (our brothers shared a room about the size of a walk in closet!).

Those first drawings were done on regular notebook paper.  As I got older, I scoured the library for books about houses, and I “graduated” to using graph paper.  Some of my later drawings were done on multiple sheets of graph paper taped together.  And at one time I had a “desk mat” sized pad of graph paper.

As I grew, and read, I learned.   More about blueprints.  My houses became more ractical.  They had depth of walls, locations for doors and windows, even electric outlets and plumbing fixtures.  I still have (somewhere) some of the “better” plans I came up with.I

I have not drawn any houses in many years now.  That was something that has taken a back seat to life.  And, the last one I did I was so satisfied with, I never tried to change it.  I always thought it would be neat to someday have an actual blueprint made of one of my plans.  There’s no longer any point, since I wouldn’t be able to see it.

So I thought, before the house (that I can see so very clearly in my mind) is gone, I would try to describe it.

The exterior is brick.  There is a central part that is two stories, with single story “wings” on each side (everything is semetrical).  There is a deep porch with columns across the front, and wrapping around to where it meets the wings.  The front door is a double door with side lights.  One end of the porch has a swing There are old fashioned rockers placed around on the rest of the porch .. not enough to be “cluttered”, but inviting.

Entering from the front door, one is in a wide hallway.   On the immediate left is a double doored coat closet.  On the right is a door into a library or study.  Just past that dooway, on the right side of the hall, is a stairway with a beautiful handrail to the second floor.  On the left, the front hall goes on past the stairway.  On the left, just past the closet, is the entrance to the living room.  The entrance appears “grand” because of the depth of the coat closet.  Just past the entrance is a 2^nd mirror image closet, for storing bulky items like card tables.  The front hall continues  past the stairy and then turns right.  On the left at the end of the hall is a door to the dining room.  Straight ahead is a door to the kitchen.  Turning right and continueing in the hall, on the immedicate right is a door under the stairway, to stairs leading to a basement (or if no basement, a storage space).  On the left is a door to a half bathroom.  A little farther down the hall, there is a door on the right to the library/study.  On the left is a door to a laundry room.  The hall ends at a doorway to the master bedroom.

The living room and dining room are only “divided” by a center wall.  It might have a two-way fireplace.   The living room has 2 tall windows (matched by windows in the library).  In the dining room, theree’s a door on the left, just past the living room, to a “work room” or “playroom” (or whatever other purpose might be needed).  It is directly opposite the door from the hall into the dining room.  On the dining room wall directly across from the living room, there is a door into a butler’s pantry with cabinetry for storing china and serving items.

From the hall, entering the kitche, there is a long section of cabinets(the length of the dining room wall) for extra storage and counter space.  This forms a sort of hall way.  On the right, in an area that will be behind the half bath, is a large walk in pantry.  The hall way that runs along the cabinetry opens into a large area that is kitchen on the left (which also opens into the butler’s pantry) and family room on the right.  There are windows along the entire back wall of this space, and at the far right end is a fireplace.

Off the left side of the kitchen is a back hall/mud room area with a coat closet.

To the right, after entering the family room, past where the pantry is, there is a door into the laundry room.  This is a long narrow room between the family room and the front hall, which has washer and dryer, storage, and possibly a space for a water heater.

Just past the laundry room is another door that goes into the master bedroom area.  On the back wall to the right of the fireplace is a door to a small porch.’

The master bedroom is the wing that mirrors the work room.  The back section (far right of the room looking from front) is a bathroom, built in dressing area, and closet.  There is also another closet on the left side of the room.  A door in the back of the closet opens into the den (meaning one can go from the bhedroom to the kitchen via a shorter route than going all the way down the hall).

The upstairs has a hall way to match the one on the first floor except without the extention.  There are 4 bedrooms, 2 on each side, and each pair share a bathroom.  At the back side of the house, between the two back bedrooms, is a “box” room, like a huge walk in closet with cabinets and a window. 

The upstairs hall is sort of “C” shapred.  The doors to the bedrooms on the right are at each end of the staircase.  On the end at the front of the house are the stairs up to the attic.  It might have dormer windows.  It is just a completely open space with floor and walls.  (someday someone else could “finish” it if they wanted).  It should have been a place for grandchildren to play.  Or maybe great-grandchildren.

The house sits a bit far back from the road.  Ideally, it will be in the mountains, so that the view from the front of the house looks out over a majestic view.  It is either on a corner lot, or the driveway runs along the left side and turns.  There is a parking space on the left side of the house, and a walkway to the front door.   Off the back left corner is a 3 car garage, with an apartment over it .. rental, or family member.

There should be enough back yard for room for kids to play and dogs to run; and maybe, off the right back corner, a swimming pool. (but maybe not if it’s in the mountains).  Behind the yard it should be wooded and private.

I can see it all so very clearly in my head.  I don’t know if I’ve described it well enough for anyone else to “see” it.  But at least it’s now written down and not disappeared in the dusty depths of my mind!

Bucket List Update

It seems like lately I’ve seen/heard a lot of talk about “bucket lists”.  I have one, but it was made years ago.  Since my vision is failing, I think it’s time to update mylist. First of all, all quilts are OFF the list.  I’d still like to make some of them; but since I rarely sit down to the sewing machien, my productivity has gotten pretty low.  I hope to finish ones already started.  After that .. I don’t know. Most of my bucket list wishes are things to ride.  The sight-seeing type rides should be near the top I suppose.  But they aren’t really.  The list is in random order. >>I still want to ride an elephant.  I don’t know why; I just love elephants, and I think that would be a cool ride. >>I want to take a cruise.  Preferably someplace warm!  I like snow, but I don’t want to be on a boat to view it somewhere cold.  I don’t believe I’d get seasick on a cruise liner; and I want to enjoy the luxury!  There’s lots to do that doesn’t necessarily depend on good vision. >>I also think a train ride across country would be great fun.  But that would only work if there was a destintion, and I don’t have a particular one. Perhaps a more realistic wish would be for a cross country trip with a sibling who travels. I’ve never riden in a limosine.  I know to some people that’s no big deal.  But I  would like to experience it once.  If I could manage that one before the vision is too far gone, it would be great fun to have a limo ride to see Christmas lights in the high class (and old world) parts of town.  With champagne, of course. I would love to ride in a hot air balloon.  Even though vision would also be a benefit for this, I believe I’d still enjoy just the feeling.  I’ve been “up” in one, but it was tethered and only went just bove tree top height.  I didn’t find it at all scary .  But then, I’ve never been afraid to fly (or at least, pre-911 I wasn’t). There are other things on my list than just rides.  I have a list of people/sentient beings I want to meet someday.  But, let me be clear on this.  I’m not hunting autographs or selfies or anything.  I don’t mean I want to go through a receiving line and shake hands, say something banal, and move on.  I would like the chance to actually have a real conversation …  I’d even love to invite some of them to my house for dinner or something.  Well, some of them probably not so much; but still, to talk to. >>I think Scotty is not only adorable, but a kind and considerate home-town boy.  I’d love the chance to apologize for not realizing quickly enough who I was talking to the one chance I had.  I’d enjoy treating him to BlJangles. >>There are a lot of very attractive celebrities; but not all that many I’d really care to meet.  Maybe it’s just that they have bad reps.  But the ones I think I would enjoy meeting include Richard Gere; Henry Winkler; Tom Selleck; Ted Danson; Clinton Kelly; Rachel Ray;  Jonathon and Drew Scott; Curtis Stone; Greg Fischel (or actually anyone at ch.5); the Budweiser Clydesdales;    probably others I can’t think of at this moment. >>I can’t think of anyone “political” or “religious” I have any special desire to meet.  It’s not that I have anything against them .. I just don’t think I’m smart enough to be able to talk to them.  And while I have personal opionions about certain things I do not like to be in a position to have to defend my opinions.  I’ve never been good at debating .. and I just retreat into sullen silence.  Not a pretty sight! >>I don’t know if it really counts as a bucket list type item.  But if wishes were fishes … or something like that. I’d really like to be rich.  No I mean really RICH.  Everytime I see certain stories on TV, I want to DO something.  I don’t mean those sappy ones that try to get you to donate to save the animals or save the children or whatever.  But I just want to DO something that matters … like building hospitals and libraries and stuff.   I guess a winning lottery ticket isn’t reqlly *appropriate* on a bucket list!

What it was, was football

During a sleepless spell, in an effort to get to sleep, I watched some old Andy Griffith episodes.  Opie was not quite 14, to give you an idea of the time frame!

It didn’t put me to sleep; but it did make me think of a story Andy used to tell .. way before Mayberry.  He was telling about an experience he’d had: the gist of it was there were two bunches of guys, in really tight pants, playing in a cow pasture.  They were each trying to take a squashed pumpkin away from each other, and run from one end of the cow pasture to the other without getting caught, and without stepping in anything.

Yep, that sounds about right.

OK, I admit, I’m not a big football fan.  I watched plenty of games when my son played in high school; and I learned enough to somewhat keep up with what’s going on.  I just never learned to *like* it!

I don’t know what I seem to be “odd man out” in my family … everyone else seems to be sports fans, particularly football.  My mom was really crazy about it.

My husband doesn’t like any sports except hunting and fishing.  For many years we only had one TV, and generally watched what he chose.  The only exception was I got to watch Olympics (particularly ice skating).  Now that we have multiple TVs, I still don’t watch sports. 

Every year about this time the talk all turns to Super Bowl.  While I’ve never watched one, I am usually curious about all the hoopla about the commercials. , and the half time show.  But I usually either forget or lose interest.

This year I’m hearing talk about a big game (I think it’s today or tomorrow).  I don’t even know where the teams are from, but I recognize some of the players.  Their names are not only in the news, they’re frequently mentioned on shows like ET; not to mention commercials.  Manning and Brady.  And I wonder which Mama would have been rooting for. 

I *think* that which ever one of them wins will be playing in the Super Bowl.  I don’t know who else.  I guess I don’t really care. 

But every once in awhile I’m a bit jealous of people who have Super Bowl parties.  They have friends over and have fun food!  We never do that.

Maybe this year I’ll try again to watch the Super Bowl.

Maybe this year I’ll try to fix something special and try again to watch.  But maybe I’ll just throw some chicken bites in the oven and watch HGTV.

Better yet maybe I’ll just get some Pringles and Cherry 7-Up, and listen to a book! J  Yep, that sounds like a good plan.