2014 Goals, sort of

I had it in mind to update my “bucket list” for the new year.  Then I thought I might copy my niece and write about 14 accomplishments to be achieved in 2014.  Only, I couldn’t think of 14.  I couldn’t even think of 4.

The thing is, my life is currently unpredictable from one day to the next.  I can’t even count on a regular morning routine any more.  But, I do need some sort of goals .  Without some sort of goals .. some hoe of bettering myself, my life, in some way … I become purposeless and useless.  That is not acceptable.

For 2014, I hope to be more patient.  A LOT more patient.  I hope to find new ways of accomplishing the day to day things that need to be done in lieu of a “routine”.  I need to grit my teeth and purge more and more of the “stuff” here, especially paper and paper related. Unless it’s insurance, annuity, or tax related – I don’t need it any more.

I got rid of at least a dozen ring binders.  I kept 4 or 5, several big fat ones, that I have meticulously assembled over the years (predominately Christmas related).  It just breaks my heart that after all that work, I can no longer see well enough to use them .. and no one else is interested. 

Perhaps I’ll keep them a bit longer, in hopes that there’ll be someone to help me use them again.

Another goal for 2014 is to be more self reliant.  I’ve been disappointed quite a few times this past year.  People say they are going to do something .. but then not only never do, they don’t even so much as acknowledge that they ever said they would.  So, instead of counting on people, I have to learn new ways of doing things so that I don’t need help.  The hardest part of that is taking care of DH.  I’m tired all the time, and tired makes me so much less patient than I need to be.

I don’t want to commit myself to anything more specific than this.  I really do not know from one day to the next what will happen.    As of tonight, I feel like  DH will continue on this same path for years .. slowly declining (but with his mind sadly failing faster than the rest of him).  His doctor put him on hospice; but I’m fairly sure they did that in order for us to get some degree of help (oxygen, hospital bed, wheelchair – all paid for by hospice, as well as other supplies).    I do not think his doctor literally saw him as being terminal within 6 months.  Or 12 months.  Who knows.  I do understand that the toxins from his kidney disease are slowly causing more problems for him that are, as yet, undetectable.

And enough of that gloomy subject!  The point is, although I *think* things will continue more or less as they are for many many months to come, I don’t know that for sure.  And even if the general theme continues, he is different from day to day.  That’s where I need to learn to be flexible, and come up with ways to get done the things I need to do.

I also need to work at determining what really is important and what isn’t.  Writing IS important, because I need the outlet for emotions and feelings.  Mostly I do that on my One Day blog.  I need to be sure to not go more than 2 days without updating.

One last point.  My goal is to be more “cheerful” in the newsletter, and less “whiny” in the blog.  Expressing my depression and frustration is one thing; but I need to stop complaining about the same stupid things over and over!  I’m amazed that no one has dropped the newsletter, even though I’ve had to cut way back on what is in it.  I actually miss being able to do the quotes and other stuff, but I just can’t see well enough.  Too bad I don’t have a research assistant! LOL!

I hope anyone who happens to read this has a wonderful New Year: healthy, safe, and prosperous!